I find myself by the beautiful Lake Como in Italy (the picture shows the view from my bedroom) and I cannot help think that change is constant in our lives. Change happens whether we like it or not.
Change also gives uncertainty and it is totally normal to feel afraid of it. I look at the positive side of change...change means giving yourself new opportunities, taking on new responsibilities, taking risks. It means stepping into the unknown which is often so scary and tiring, though also desired.
Change is one of the most extraordinary processes I know.
Those who come to me often do so because they are tired of feeling unsatisfied and feeling stuck in something that does not satisfy them such as a relationship that has become toxic, or a frustrating and painful situation, a childhood trauma that is still affecting their lives.
They may also feel the restlessness that has been with them for some time and to which they are unable to make sense, the anxiety with which they go about their days, the sense of guilt that gets to them when they feel the desire to say no, the way they silence their needs and emotions because they are difficult to see, manage and listen to.
The tiredness in which they feel immersed drives them to change, motivates them to do so. As you can imagine, sometimes it is not enough.
In my work, I welcome the most diverse requests.
I have met people who more or less secretly expected to change others or external events in order to feel better, others who were exhausted by what had been wrong for a long time but would have liked to change things in a couple of weeks, others who said they were ready for anything but then ran away because they were terrified of even the smallest change.
I also met people who were so exhausted and dissatisfied with what was no longer working in their lives, that their motivation to strive to change it and feel better was almost tangible.
When I think about change I am reminded of my father, who I am currently spending quite a bit of time with, who would love for his circumstances to be different and to finally be happy, who also believes that he doesn't have any responsibilities towards his life and expects others to change in order for 'him' to be happy. Do you think he will achieve his dream of being happy with his current mindset? Unfortunately, I don't think so.
Motivation to change is one of the first things I observe when someone is on their journey of rebirth and growth: if a person chooses to change and is willing to take responsibility for it, even when change is scary, then it is almost certain that their journey will take them where they want to go.
Even the most motivated and determined people won’t go anywhere if they don’t have the will and responsibility to change.
Also, in order to change, to really succeed, it is essential to believe that there is a way to make that possible.
Change takes you out of your comfort zone and this can make you feel uncomfortable and awkward and you may find yourself considering this time to be wasted because you could have spent it in a more pleasant way instead, one which is more in your style, where you feel free and at ease. And yet, you find yourself choosing and going where you would rather be (your comfort zone) to again feel awkward, uncomfortable and unsatisfied.
This is the fatigue of change: automatically and naturally, we choose what feels familiar, because even if it makes us suffer or to some extent does not correspond to what we want, it gives us a sense of security so comfortable that it clouds even the greatest motivation to make different, better choices for ourselves.
If you think about it, even that nagging sense of dissatisfaction you bring home with you is a way of preserving your state of security…who knows how long it has kept you company, and you may not even imagine all the more pleasant and nourishing emotions that could take its place.
The good news is that if you give yourself the chance to take this step, abandoning a little at a time, what reassures you, you can open the door to change what you no longer want for yourself...and discover, build, adjust, transform (your life). If you allow yourself possibilities, you will realise that the fatigue of staying where you continue to feel anxious, unsatisfied, unhappy is not so different from the fatigue that would take you where you want to be. This is the beauty of change: striving to live the life you want for yourself.
Tell me about you, what changes would you like to see in your life?